Wednesday, April 27, 2011

calling all mommies: help

This week's topic is.....


I don't want to be one of those Moms who thinks they can do it all by themselves.  I know that I can't do it alone, so I'm totally okay with getting help from the get go.  I just don't know how much help I am going to want after Pearson is here.  My parents live just a half a mile away from us, so I know that my Mom will be a tremendous help in the beginning.  Matt's parents live about an hour away and my mother-in-law is so sweet and has already told me, "Just tell me what you want me to do and I'll do it."  I'm just not sure what to tell them.


Who and what was the biggest help to you after you had the baby?
How long did your husband take off? 
Was it too long, just right or not long enough?
Did your mother or mother in law stay the night or just help during the day?
Who brought or made meals/cleaned the house/did the laundry?


Julie said...

I can't answer most of your questions in this post, but when you asked who made the meals I think you can rest assured that some of your family and friends (maybe some awesome friends from your ABF) will provide some dinners for you for the first couple of weeks! That will be one less thing that you'll have to worry about :)

The Fants said...

It's so cliche to say "don't be afraid to ask for help" but I never really did, I didn;t know how. Thankfully, Michael and my mom stepped up LIKE CRAZY because you're right, you can't do it alone.

Michael and I both wanted to get used to life with Bryson by ourselves from the get go, so we told both of our moms that if we can't do it, we'll ask for you to come stay with us. We spent a good amount of time together, and then the help came in. My mom and sisters came over a lot during the day (after the 2 weekish mark) and helped with dishes, laundry, errands (you will be amazed at how many pads you go though! haha) watching B while I napped, etc. For the first 2 weeks it was just Michael and I (while he was off work) and it was exactly what we needed.

Our ABF (including your yummy lasagna roll ups!) brought a few times a week for about a month and it was SO helpful. We would have had Chick-fil-a every night for months if we didn't have those meals. There was no way I was going to cook! haha

I also felt like since I wasn't working for the first 3 months and Michael was, I should be the one to wake up in the middle of the night every time B woke up. And I did for a LOOONG time until I realized that I just couldn't do it every time. Michael did the middle of the night thing a few night times and it was a big help. So don't be afraid to ask Matt for help, too!

:) SOOO close!

Ashley said...

I was very independent and didn't want much help. Of course with your brothers work he could come home and check on me whenever he wanted. We probably ate out a lot, I don't really remember that part. I know your mom made us a yummy brisket meal and brought it over the day we came home. I had plenty of people to help, but I just wanted to get used to doing it by myself with Ry. I didn't want people doing my laundry I think it's weird. I know a lot of people think differently. I don't think you'll have to ask for anything it will all be there waiting for you to say yes, do this. With your mom, nonnie, and I all living so close your meals should be covered! I can't wait to meet my new little nephew!!!

Lauren said...

With my first, the first night home we stayed by ourselves with Landon, then my mom stayed overnight with us for 4 nights. IT WAS GREAT!! I didn't have to cook a thing for like a month! And Eric's mom stays home so she would come over during the day to help around the house because Eric had to go back to work after two days because it was the busiest time of that particular year! I was greatful to have any visitors because I went through like a 3 month period of baby blues and having someone there to talk to and hang out really helped!

With Emerson things were a bit different. We spent the first night home by ourselves and I think we asked for Eric's mom to come spend the night one night the first week. Once again I didn't cook or do my own laundry for a while. Luckily I didn't have the baby blues this time so I enjoyed the alone time when Emerson was sleeping!

Most important thing is to not feel ashamed if you need to ask for help! It does not make you less of a Mommmy!!

The Roberts' said...

Josh took a week off work, but by the time we got home from the hospital, it only ended up being a couple days really. I wish he could've stayed another week! He was wonderful; he did laundry & changed lots of diapers. My mom came in the night before Josh went back to work & she stayed all week, which was SO HELPFUL. That would've been too soon for me to go it alone. My mom cooked & cleaned & helped me with Elliot. Our friends signed up to provide us meals for several weeks which was AMAZING. I was on my own 2 weeks after he was born, & I felt able to handle things on my own at that point. Definitely take advantage of the help that is offered! You're going to be SO TIRED.

The Fenner's said...

Well, I might not be a good person to answer this because my husband was home with me as he was unemployed! But... that being said, my mother in law, who lives 30 min away kept asking if I wanted her to come stay the week. I personally felt like any help over night would be pointless. Dylan was in our room, and I was nursing, so by the time anyone got down there to change him for me, I would be awake anyway. Meals were what helped the most. Like I said, luckily Adam was home so he could make dinner, but this time around, I plan on having a months worth of dinners in the deep freeze so that I don't have to worry about it! Other than that it was just us three, occasionally someone would come over during the day to play with dylan, but that's about it! Good luck!

Ally said...

This is such a great question and so great that you are already thinking about this.

With both of mine, my mom came and stayed with us for about 4 nights. She would sleep with the baby in her room (in the bassinet) and when they needed to eat, she'd bring them to me already changed and ready to go. Then, when they were done eating, she would burp them and get them back to sleep so that for the first week, I was getting as much sleep as possible. While with us, she would cook & clean. It was really nice. :) After that, she still came over a lot during the day to help with household type stuff. After about the first week, our sunday school class started bringing meals. It seems like I had meals for almost a month which was great.

David took off 2 weeks with Micah and it seemed like too much. He agrees. I think a week is great. With Laurel- David couldn't take off any time so he just worked from home for a few days. It is really nice to have your hubby there but the important thing is that you actually let him help. This was really hard for me with both kids. :)

As far as my mother in law, with both kids, she did our laundry for a few weeks. She would come get it one day and bring it all back the next folded and ready to put it away. It weirded me out at first to have her doing our laundry but it was a huge help so I got over it.

I think that the biggest thing is being ok with asking for help, which it sounds like you are!

Gina said...

With your mom so close, and Matt's mom not too far away, don't be afraid to play it by ear... If your mom's are ok with being 'on call', it might be good to wait and see how you're feeling as you bring Pearson home.
A friend set up a Care Calendar for meals for us. We ended up getting 3 meals a week (Mon/Wed/Fri) for several weeks. I thought 3 times a week was plenty! Stock up on tupperware and those foil baking dishes, because people generally bring large portions. I immediately packed up anything we weren't going to eat right away and it stretched the meals a lot longer.

Christine said...

I sorta ended up not getting much help once the baby was home. We don't have any extra space for anyone to stay the night. Neither my mother or my mother in law would have been helpful - I would have just had one more body to take care of. It might've been nice to have my stepmom over more, but that would've really tweaked my mom. So... there you have it.

Anyway, Brian took off two weeks, but by the time we got home with our complications, it ended up only being a week. We would have loved to actually have our two full weeks, especially since our girl didn't want to sleep much at night for a while (all good now). You'll work out the getting up with the baby thing, however works best for ya'll. With nursing, it's always you to some extent. But, when she wasn't sleeping at all, we alternated. Then, Brian would just get up and get her for me while I got ready. And now that she's in her own room, I just go feed her and put her back and Brian barely stirs. You'll figure out what works for you.

Our ABF brought meals 3 times a week for the first two weeks we were home which was awesome. It was such a relief to not have to figure that out and there were usually leftovers. One couple even gave us an extra casserole for the freezer for later. As for cleaning/laundry... what got done, got done and what didn't, didn't. Since your mom is close that would be one thing nice she could help out with. But mostly, don't worry about it at first.

The first day at home by myself with the baby was tough, but it's gotten much better. I'm sure my sister-in-law would have come over, but I figured that I had to get used to it sooner or later so I might as well just do it right away. Rip the band-aid off so to speak. My stepmom now comes over once a week for a few hours to hang out with Naomi while I get a few things done, or to help me if N's asleep. It's nice.

Oh, and one commenter mentioned baby blues, it's very real. I had it bad for a month or two and it's gradually gotten better. It was great to confide in my husband. You may not experience it at all, but if you do, remember, you're not the only one to have those feelings and they don't make you a bad mom. Hormones can be evil.

I'll end with saying what I've said to my stepmom a couple of times, an extra set of hands is always helpful.

MMm&m said...

My mom was there almost immediately, and it was so great to have help with the house so I could focus on the baby and getting rest. She stayed with me about a week after both girls were born. Matt got about 2 weeks for paternity leave. It was wonderful. Having meals for a while is a huge help, so set aside any leftovers in the freezer...I know you'll be getting lots of yummy things, I just wish I was there to contribute too! LOVES!

The First Grade Parade said...

My family lives out of town, so my mom was here when both boys were born and she stayed with us for a week after they were home from the hospital. She was a HUGE help!! I needed a teensy bit of help with the boys, but more than anything, I needed help around the house!! Without even asking her to, my mom cleaned the house, did the laundry, and cooked up a storm. It was so nice! I probably could have managed it all without help, but I didn't want to!! I loved having my mom there...and she was my favorite person to have around {just more of a comfort level and she totally knew what I was going through}.

My grandma came up and stayed a week and so did Adam's parents. I loved all the help...just having people there with us...but it was really nice when we were all alone, too. Nights were really tough with both boys, so it was nice to hand them off to mom/grandma/mom-in-law the next day so that I could get some sleep...and they were MORE than happy to help with that!! HA!!

Adam stayed home for about a week after the boys were born and it was the perfect amount of time.

The girls on my team and my playgroup moms brought us meals with Grant. I seriously can't remember anything from Landon?! HA!! Getting meals was wonderful!! You should have someone at church set up a Care Calendar for you!!

Whatever the case, don't be afraid to ask for help!! The time goes so fast and you don't want to be too tired or stressed to miss anything :) Can't wait for you to meet your sweet boy!! How exciting!!